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In our Likely Story department this week, the crew of a trawler that sank in the Sea of Japan claimed their ship went down after "being struck by a cow which fell out of the clear blue sky". According to Flying magazine, no one believed this absurd
explanation-- except the Russian military. It seems that the crew of a military cargo jet had stolen a cow they found wandering on a Siberian airfield, and loaded it aboard. While cruising at 30,000 feet, the terrified cow ran amok and jumped out of the plane...Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting pleas to come out and give himself up...
Our Nice Try Award this week goes to the Miami Beach attorney who entered a 'not guilty' plea for his client based on astrological forces. The lawyer maintained that the position of the stars at the time of his client's birth caused him to break into a couple's home, tie them up and threaten them, and walk out with a brassiere on his head...More than 600 people in Italy wanted to ride in a spaceship badly enough to pay $10,000 a piece for the first tourist flight to Mars. According to the Italian police, the would-be space travelers were told to spend their "next vacation on Mars, amid the splendors of ruined temples and painted deserts. Ride a Martian camel from oasis to oasis and enjoy the incredible Martian sunsets. Explore mysterious canals and marvel at the views. Trips to the moon also available." Authorities believe that the con men running this scam made off with over six million dollars..
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A Bible researcher in Springfield, Missouri, has revealed that by the year 1999, space aliens will have taken over all the world's governments, to save man from himself. According to Ruth Ling, aliens re-created life here on Earth, when their men mated with stone-age women thousands of years ago. The aliens will bring Jesus back to Earth in a spaceship, and the new Jerusalem is coming down from Heaven-- it is a space station. Ms. Ling adds that anyone who doesn't believe her should simply read the Bible...Jorgen Standguard of Denmark was run over by a 3000 pound steamroller at a road construction site, and survived. Investigators said the engineer was saved because the pavement there was still hot and he sank right in... a simple "Jorgen Was Here" would suffice...
In Ohio, an unidentified man in his late twenties walked into a police station with a 9-inch wire protruding from his forehead, and calmly asked officers to five him an X-ray to help him find his brain, which he claimed had been stolen. Police were shocked to learn that the man had drilled a 6-inch deep hole in his skull with a Black & Decker power drill, and stuck the wire in to try and find the missing brain... In other health news, if you suffer unexplained pain or confusion, you just may be allergic to electricity. Dr. Ray Choy, a medical researcher in London England, reports that some people are so sensitive to electricity that they may be immobilized or go into convulsions within 200 feet of a power line. Other symptoms include watering eyes and euphoria. There is no known treatment for the allergy, says Dr. Choy...
A 37-year-old California man reported to police that an intruder dressed in black and carrying a big knife broke into his home and forced him to smoke two packs of Pall Mall Golds, and then left... The Philadelphia Inquirer reports that two fisherman who lost their boat in a storm near the Philippines claimed that they survived for four days at sea by eating a T-shirt... Workers digging in a peat bog in Tipperary, Ireland, have unearthed a piece of cheese believed to be 1400 years old...
. A 13 year old baseball fanatic in Tai Pe, Taiwan, caused a national uproar when he traded his kid sister for a catcher's mitt. The boy gave his sister to a man he met on the way to the store. "I never liked her anyway," said the boy, "and neither did my parents."... remember kids, when it comes to baseball, just say "no"... From our Giants of Science department: researchers have found that a protein in the blood of fish that swim in the frigid Antarctic waters prevents ice crystals from forming in ice cream. Companies reportedly plan to use the fish blood in ice cream to keep it creamy longer... I think this qualifies as flavor of the month...Authorities in Karachi, Pakistan, have smashed a ring of kidnappers who stole young children from their homes for use as jockeys in camel races. According to reports, the children, who range in age from 6 to 12 years, were strapped to the backs of racing camels. The hysterical screams of the frightened children made the beasts run faster. Twenty boys were rescued when police raided a house and arrested two suspects... promoter Don King could not be reached for comment...
A Warden in the West Virginia Penitentiary has denied the request of prisoner John Wood to donate his organs to medical science. "It's not unusual for inmates to donate organs," says warden Jerry Hedrick, "but this guy wants to give all his organs at once."... oooo, wet cleanup in cell block 3...
The Japanese have beaten us to the punch on another technological breakthrough. The latest invention from the electronic isle is a computerized toilet. This so-called "smart potty" will give pulse rate, blood pressure, and temperature readings to users... just don't forget to warm up the probe...
In a sad story from Boston, a giant 30 pound lobster was being weighed before its donation to the city aquarium, when it fell off the scale and died. The giant lobster's shell was irreparably cracked. "We're devastated," said a spokesman for the aquarium... so are we... now where's the cocktail sauce?... And this just in...French farmer Michael LeMond shot himself in the foot when he opened fire on what he thought was a ghost... nope, it's a foot alright...Some comments this week that made our Subscriber Hall of Fame:
"More fun than a Heaven's Gate sleep-over."
"I might have been drunk when I signed up with you."
"This is weird. Send more."
"I can't send empty mail either."
"I laughed, I cried, I'm manic depressive."In the Netherlands, an airline pilot has been sentenced to four months in jail. Wim de Nijs was convicted of jamming the air traffic control frequency and jeopardizing airport safety, by singing the "Flintstones" theme over the radio for 20 minutes while landing his plane...
Florida motorists are watching their rear-view mirrors this week after an appellate court ruled that rectal searches by police are legal. According to the Fifth District Court of Appeals, the removal of 54 grams of cocaine from a suspects rectum by a member of the Orange County highway drug squad was "part of a legal pat down to make sure the man wasn't armed..." America, land of the free, home of the rectal pat down...E.C. Stewart, Jr. may never get out of jail after the Levelland, Texas District Attorney recommended last week that his bail be set at "a zillion dollars". The judge agreed...
In Clearwater, Florida, a 70-year-old man was killed while sunbathing in a lounge chair at the beach, when a bulldozer ran over him... hey, we asked him to move...
A 73-year-old Milwaukee woman has lost her suit against the local Catholic Church, after an electronic scoreboard fell on her during a bingo game in 1990. Mary Verdev was asking for $90,000 in damages, claiming that since the incident she experiences spontaneous orgasms, sometimes in "clusters"... b-b-b-b-bingo!
