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Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired,
signifies a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and not clothed.
Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot,
and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.
George Carlin
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
Carol Leifer
I voted for the Democrats because I didn't like the
way the Republicans were
running the country.
Which is turning out to be like shooting yourself in
the head to stop your headache.
Jack Mayberry
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one.
I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
Elayne Boosler
I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use language
that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That may be. But I think there's
one other thing that separates us from animals. We aren't afraid of vacuum cleaners.
Jeff Stilson
My mother says that she doesn't believe that Friday the 13th is bad luck
However she refuses to leave the house, because of all those people out there that do believe,
and one of them is going to run her over...
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form
of mental illness.
Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you.
Rita Mae Brown
I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
Lily Tomlin
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?
I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize,
Oh my God...I
could be eating a slow learner.
Lynda Montgomery
Julian Heicklen
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